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Because it does not exist!
We have been raised in a way that makes us feel good to think that we should aim for perfection! Because it makes us type A people! Achievers! But being an ‘achiever’ doesn’t necessarily mean you are aiming for the right goal and/or that you are fulfilled by achieving your goals. Moreover, let me make an important distinction between aiming for perfection and dreaming big.
Looking to be perfect is a recipe for feeling like a failure. The reason is simple: since perfection does not exist, you can’t reach it! Therefore, you cannot be satisfied and, more importantly, fulfilled and juiced up for living fully and completely your life! You then have to work very hard – you have to fight even to be the ‘perfect’ person you think you should be, doing the ‘perfect’ things you think you should do.
On the other hand, having high standards can support your growth as a human being as you are consistently looking for ways to reach and even surpass your goals. Dreaming big pulls you upward, it ignites your creativity. Wanting to be perfect destroys it!
In other words, by trying to achieve perfection, you are leaving out countless possibilities! Many, bigger and more fulfilling than your view of perfection!
What if you could set yourself up for success?
Meet Stephanie*!
She is a client of mine. She is a young executive. She has multiple responsibilities both at work and at home – sounds familiar!?In one of our sessions, she mentioned wanting to always be home in time to have dinner with her son. Through our discussions, she realized that her deeper intention behind being home with her son for dinner was to spend quality time with him everyday. She came to the conclusion that the ‘rule’ of being home every night for dinner was very rigid and was not setting her up for success because the probabilities of her missing one or more nights for work were very high. This ‘rule’ was stressing her out as she felt like a failure both at work and at home!Instead, we worked on a different internal rule that would allow her to live her real intent to spend quality time with her son everyday. Her rule changed from 5/5 week nights to 3-4/5 week nights to have dinner with her son. She also identified 5 others easy ways to spend quality time with her son during the week such as taking 5 minutes of quality interaction time in the morning with her son to play.She says these 5 minutes are like a bubble where time stops – it’s even better quality time than the 6 o’clock rush of dinner time she had identified as ‘perfection’! She now feels like a better mom (and executive)!How many options for success and fulfillment do you give yourself? What if you could have a set of internal rules that would allow you to ‘win’ more often?
*Her name was changed to preserve confidentiality.
Here are 4 simple ways to create positive internal rules for success:
- Be clear on your goals & purpose. Just like in Stephanie’s example, the goal is often hidden behind what you say you want to do. Think about your underlying intentions.
- Be flexible and give yourself options. Once you know your deeper intentions, brainstorm on multiple ways you can get there. I recommend making a list of 10 things: it forces your brain to be creative and you can be assured that at least a couple of them will be good!
- Appreciate & celebrate. Fulfilment comes from the simple appreciation of what is, in the moment. So take the time to appreciate and celebrate what you have accomplished.
- Share. Sharing moments of appreciation of your accomplishments expands fulfilment. Share moments of appreciation with your loved ones, your team, etc.
Take the 5-minutes test
- What areas in my life would I like to be more fulfilled in (work, health, love, money, contribution, etc.)?
- In that area, what internal rules are stopping me from ‘winning’, feeling I can create the results I really want?
- What additional options could I give myself to increase my chances of ‘winning’ and feeling I can create the results I really want? Make a list!
- How does knowing I can win in different ways make me feel?
- How and with whom can I celebrate and share my/our wins?
Please share your ideas – be part of the conversation – we all need oxygen to achieve our full potential!
